Tag: Marriage

Being a leader approved by God is different from being a leader put in a position by God. Sometimes, when God is training a spiritual leader, He will let us fall on our faces because we can see Him better from that position.

Sometimes it seems men generate mess as a byproduct of being men but thankfully we are worth more than the mess we create.

What started as a romantic bike ride had become a small intimate adventure. I had inadvertently awed her with my relaxed trust in her steering. And boy did I reap the benefits, scoring big points with my new wife. Not a bad idea on your honeymoon.

“I'll let you in on a little secret. Jill and I work really hard to keep a relational connection in the midst of marriage ministry. Emotional and physical closeness aren't a given. We have to make time to connect to just be husband and wife in an ever-evolving relationship. And there's nothing as good as prayer to connect (and to repair us).”

As J. R. R. Tolkien once wrote to his son, “No man, however truly he loved his betrothed and bride as a young man has lived faithful to her as a wife in mind and body without deliberate conscious exercise of the will, without self-denial.” So folks, let’s drop the whole “soul mate” talk, shall we? Marriage can be wonderfully satisfying, but that’s the result of God’s grace, hard work, and self-sacrificial love. And that is the truth.

Prov. 31:11 says, “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.”

Speaking negatively about your wife to others shouts that you are a poor leader in your marriage. The Proverbs 31 Husband recognizes his wife’s accomplishments and broadcasts his admiration to the world. No one wonders what he thinks – he freely shares his opinion.

Perhaps now – before more checklists clutter the counter and the year-end madness begins – would be a good time to do a little marital spring-cleaning. Because it is easy to forget if marriage is not on the checklist.

Marriage often changes the nature of relationships between friends. It is important for men to be proactive in making their marriage the top priority by respectfully scheduling time with their buddies that does not interfere with quality time with their spouses.

In some ways, dating has misled us men on this point. Courtship conversations were romantic, spontaneous, exciting, and everything you said was interesting to her. You just knew she was the right girl because she made you feel so “listened to.” Marriage inevitably changes the relationship dynamic, and it is wise to adapt to a different communication strategy based on listening.

The question persists strongly for those of us raised in evangelical America, where we are taught to seek God’s will for our lives in every area, especially the big decisions. So when I was head over heels in love with Anne (being a good Evangelical) I wrestled with whether or not she was “the One” God had chosen for me.

I had seven years to confirm that she was valuable as she mostly ignored me. Well ignored may be too strong: the thesaurus says disregarded, overlooked, or bypassed would be equally descriptive. Just pick one. The point is I finally caught her, and the compliment of my life was that she traded all her other options (and they were numerous) for me.

I had an eight-year head start since I was counting the quality of our marriage from the first day we met, which she didn’t even remember. Apparently, buried somewhere in my psyche, was the expectation that she hadn’t caught up yet. No wonder the poor woman couldn’t get a break.

I met an older couple at the hospital when I was doing the hospital ministry. I wish I had their picture, but bringing a camera in to take pictures of patients is frowned upon! The husband happily told me that he and his bride had been married for 69 years. He teared up as he told me about his special lady. He still sounded so in love with her. I asked him what the secret was to such a long marriage. He immediately answered, “Love purely.”

Hmm … what began as a demo had developed into a significant marriage moment with a little bit of embarrassment. The “expert” coach-trainer was being asked in front of the class to improve his listening. The observers were quiet. They realized that this was sacred territory.